しゅうまつ

わたしはせんしゅうと二か月まえに日本ごでぜんぜんかきません。でも、きょうのばんにわたしは日本ごでたくさんかきます。

じゃ、みなさん、こんすうのしゅうまつになにをしますか。

As for me...

金曜日にわたしはともだちとたんじょうびのパーティーをします。わたしのたんじょうびです。わたしはともどちと七時間ぐらい「ヘルシング」のあにめをみます。わたしはケーキをたべます。ソダものみます。

わたしのかぞくはこのしゅうまつにシャーロッツビールへきます。だから、土曜日にわたしはかぞくとモールでかいものをたくさんします。それから、レストランでたべます。ファイブガイズのハンバーガーはおいしいですよ。だから、たぶんわたしはかぞくとファイブガイズでたべます。

土曜日のあさに「Culturefest」があります。わたしは日本クラブと「そうらんぶし」のダンスをします。みなさん、みてください。



日曜日にわたしのかぞくは「Winchester」へかえります。だから、わたしはりょうへかえります。そこで、日本ごとフランスのれきしとけいざいをべんきょうします。

So ends my first clumsy attempts at a full post in Japanese. This was a big step forward - I'm happy about it.

Intimidator

Was anyone else scared to death when they saw Sato-sensei, Kawai-sensei, AND Wilson-sensei in the same classroom today? I was so nervous I could hardly speak. My Japanese already sounds timid as I speak it, but today I felt like it was even worse.

Somehow or another, I think I managed to hold my own in class today, but it gets harder and harder for me to say the right thing as Kawai-sensei or Sato-sensei ask me more and more questions. I like to think out my answer before I speak, so that I don't make any mistakes - so usually my first question or response sounds pretty good, but when I'm asked to expand or change beyond that, I have trouble thinking of the new sentence. Rarely do I think well "on my feet."

Today, I was so overwhelmed that I finally adopted a new strategy - passing the conversation to someone else. Let's watch Transformers at Lin-san's place! Yeah! Now she has to answer questions instead of me! All right!

リンさん、ごめんなさい。I owe you something after that.

Timing

After finishing today's Chapter 3 test, I've realized that the hardest part is finishing the dialogue section in time. In previous tests, I've blamed this on my lack of readiness. But I came mentally prepared for the test today, finishing the first three sections quickly (and correctly, hopefully... I didn't think it was that hard, but you never know). Despite having what felt like loads of time at the end to write a really great dialogue, however, I still fell short.

I already know that Kim-san and Sachdeva-san know what I'm talking about. After class, the three of us admitted to each other that we more or less knew what grammar to use, how to use it, and how to make it sound natural... but we all ran out of time. I don't think the three of us are alone, either.

I'm not really sure how to solve this problem, but if anyone's got a suggestion, I'll certainly try it.
On the other hand, the grade I received on that Economics midterm that so worried me last week was actually fairly good. I can borrow some positive energy from this as I head into what should be an exciting Homecoming weekend. I want to see the Cavaliers play a great football game against UConn. I would've liked to go to the concert, too - and there was even someone that I wanted to ask to come with me - but I seem to have missed my opportunity in both of those cases.

Oh well.

Demolished

As if things weren't hard enough...

I'm pretty sure I just spectacularly failed my Economics midterm exam. I don't know how I managed to be that unprepared for such a big test. Did I somehow manage to convince myself that I'd studied more than I actually had? It looks like I need to add ECON to the list of subjects that require more of my attention.

Now my confidence is shot, and I have an Atlantic Revolutions midterm on Wednesday, right after break. What am I supposed to do about that?

I don't think things can get much lower than this.

しりません

I really appreciate the fact that さとうせんせい talked to me after class - I'm a student who likes to know that someone is worrying about him. But it makes me feel really horrible for lying to her.

"I'm not just relying on what I already know," I told her this afternoon. It's a promise I've made to myself and others numerous times this year - that I won't let my prior knowledge of Japanese undermine the importance of my studies in this class. But my study habits to this point in the year clearly prove I'm not taking responsibility for that promise - and yet, somehow, I always manage to convince myself of the opposite when I'm asked about it directly. I've been able to be honest only in this blog, where I've admitted the need to improve my study habits again and again. In real life, I'm repeating a lie, and acting hypocritically.

In my heart, I really do want to turn the lie into truth, and put some real effort into my Japanese class. I want to work hard for さとうせんせい if she's honestly concerned about me, so maybe I'll finally be able to create positive changes - as soon as I get my feet back on the ground. The heavy workloads of this midterm week have caused some real struggles for me. I feel like this was my first real test as a college student, and I'm not really certain that I made the grade.

Sinking

I tried to go against it, but I'm back to my old habit of worrying furiously about everything.

That time of year that I've heard senior students refer to as "hell week" has finally arrived for me. In Japanese class alone, I'm managing four whole projects at once - the sakubun, a skit draft with Patrick, the cultural presentation with McCarty-san, and this blog (which will graciously cease to be a problem once this is published). Add an Economics 201 midterm exam at the end of the week, and two more tests coming by the middle of next week, and you can see how full my plate is with work and study responsibilities.

Perhaps all this work is the reason why I have developed a compulsive concern for my grades. I wonder how the tests will affect them, and how my daily work has already affected them. In some classes - Japanese in particular - I fear the worst. At my high school, I studied the language on my own - I had no one with which to compare my progress, but I was a biggish fish in a smallish pond at the time, so I naturally felt that I was above average. Doing drills in classes now, however, shows me how wrong I was in this perception. There are days where I feel like I am speaking well and thinking clearly - but more common are the days where I feel dissatisfied with both my fluency and clarity. For the first time ever, I have shadows of doubt that I will ever be able to realize my dream of speaking fluent Japanese...

I have to sort this out. I gotta keep it together.